LOST

I have been lost.
I guess, I still am.

Lost,
like a wanderer;
unsettled.

I am on the constant move,
a seemingly endless journey;
Searching in vain,
for a place to quench my thirst,
A place where I can feed my hunger and ease the pangs.
Searching for hands to hold me tight
in an awkwardly long and warm embrace;
A smile that will bring one to my face,
And crack my ashen lips;
A story that will tickle and dry my ribs.

I am endlessly searching for a place to rest my head,
Then maybe the train of ceaseless thoughts will come to a halt,
And the hushed voices in my head will learn to let me live and dream,
Maybe then, I will find peace for my troubled soul,
And settle scores with the raging wars from within.

And maybe,
Just maybe,
I’ll even find answers for my baseless questions,
Which I still feel the need to ask.

I have been lost,
I guess I still am.

I am on the constant move,
on a seemingly endless journey;
Searching for a place to dust my sore feet,
A handshake,
A firm grip that will bridge me back to reality,
A pat on my shoulder,
A slight touch of humanity.

Yes, I have been lost.
I guess I always have been.
And maybe
I don’t really know what I am searching for;
It could be pain –
to have my heart ache so that I know I still have one,
Or loss –
so that I can learn to appreciate what I already have.
Or failure –
so that I can learn to see my mistakes,
Instead of the speck in my neighbour’s eye, with a log in mine.

It could be bleeding that I need –
so that I can see the life within,
And that time heals the wounds,
but the scars remain,
A reminder,
A portrait,
A lesson.
A win.

Or maybe it’s burning I need –
Then next time I will know,
not to play so close to the fire,
And at a safe distance,
it will keep me warm –
Alive.
It could be drowning I need,
So I’ll learn to breathe
with my head under water,
Learn the intricacies of depth.

Or maybe,
I am looking for
someone
to give me all of these.

I have been lost;
I guess I still am.
I am the constant move;
Searching for me –
Then I will learn what I need.
And know what I want.